Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Truth Is

It amazes me how many times I'm asked how I do it. Better yet, how to this day, some act like I stole my grand daughter or was forced into raising her. Neither of course are true. In fact, we did not steal our grand daughter nor were we ever forced to raise her. The truth is I miss the older children in the house. I miss the chaos and all the friends over. All the many sports and school activities that kept us busy for so many years. I love the fact that we can do it all over. I wish with all my heart I had the patience I have now back when the other 4 were younger. We are more established, wiser and things are easier. Often times I actually regret all the things we can offer now that we couldn't then. A person always says if they could do it all over again... well I can tell you we are doing things differently and we would still change things. I guess a person will never feel like they did things exactly right. Proof no one is perfect.

Another thing I'm asked is how I find time to take care of my Mom and how I possibly can do both. This honestly makes me chuckle. Really? Don't people work and raise a child any more these days.

My days are long and drawn out. Its not unusual for me to get less than required sleep. In fact, even with my MS I have learned to function on little sleep. Yes, I say function because I realize that some days my fatigue is worse than others but I get by. My day starts at 6:30am when I drag my butt out of bed to my trusty iPhone inches from my head. Rarely is it far from me as my greatest fear is there being an emergency and I'm not reachable. None the less, I get my 6 year old up and ready and safely to school by 7:30am followed by dropping of my 19 year old off to college and 2 year old grand baby to daycare all by 8:00am. I then rush like a crazed woman to Moms where I spend the majority of the day. I am fortunate. I have gotten to spend nearly the last 2 years of my life with her every day. I am everything from her caregiver to house cleaner. Some days we do nothing but hang out or run errands. Many days are spent at the doctor. She has a great attitude about her cancer and is always up beet about it. Often I feel as though I'm still learning something from her. I love the fact, and I have been very fortunate to be able to both take care of her and my 6 year old. When I leave the day from Moms my day is far from over. After picking up my 6 year old I head over to the collage where I pick up another daughter, finish up some of my own errands or more doctors appointments for the kids. Eventually we all make it home. While getting dinner going I'm maximizing time by getting some cleaning done before my husband comes home with our 2 year old grand daughter. My husband often helps finish up dinner as I start homework with the kids and field a few phone calls. Evenings are my favorite time of the day with much needed family time, baths, relaxation and eventually bed.

My husband as well as both sons are all mechanics. When their not at work it seems their either working on something or fielding calls from others asking for their help. Weekends are completely different. They are about family and spending time together. Not much inter fears with us spending time together. Were not rich by any means but we do become inventive. There is a lot a person can do with little or no money if you really look. Besides camping all summer we all enjoy fishing, hunting along with day trip and weekend getaways. Both my husband and I DJ nearly every weekend from Memorial through Labor Day. I also enjoy volunteering and am a Girl Scout Leader. My point in all of this is that my blog is at times, random. I'm sure many people question how one post or another has anything at all to do with adoption. In reality its not just about adoption but on life itself. I believe true happiness comes from within yourself and life is what you make of it. You can either wait around and complain or you can live each day to the fullest. We have hard times and often I feel as though it seems that black cloud will never go away. I'm sure to a person who doesn't know us they feel like we are just being dramatic. The truth is because of all the things we do for others and all we do we have high expectations of ourselves. There's going to be drama from time to time. Some days I could pull my hair out and sometimes family argues. In the end we have each others back. That's what family does. Sometimes you inadvertently hurt the ones you love. As for my life, I wouldn't have it any other way. I like being busy. I like feeling needed. And.... on those occasions when I need a break don't worry I'll let you know.

In general I blog for myself. To share my life, experiences, hopes, dreams, and humor. It does not mean everything I post is about me or even about Kinship adoption, just experiences in my life and the people in it. The truth is I wish I had more time to blog. Even if no one ever read it I find it very rewarding and relaxing. Ive met some very wonderful people along the way.


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