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Saturday, January 8, 2011

Pregnant at 16

I always tried to be the best parent I could be. My kids grew up in the country and held a strong family bond. With having 4 kids in 5 years they were close in age and best friends. 2 boys, 2 girls. Who could ask for more. They were involved in everything. Some days I swear the car never stopped all day. We too had fallen to trying to schedule our children's days in hopes of keeping them out of trouble down the road. We wanted to give them every opportunity we'd never had. Church, Religion, Boy Scouts, Girls Scouts, Swimming Classes, Dance line, Cheer leading, Odyssey of the Mind, Little League, Football, Hockey, Wrestling, Soccer, Basketball, Gymnastics, stock car racing........ the list was never ending!!!

Summers were relaxed and focused. We spent many summers at the lake. We did plenty of fishing, hunting and camping. With old fashioned barn dances, horse back riding, biking, swimming and just plane family fun. We also traveled and took a lot of weekend get-away trips as we called them. As a family we did everything. We hunted, went skiing, snowmobiling, 4-wheeling, dirt biking.... Our kids were spoiled brats!!!
When the oldest 2 were in junior high we sold our home in the country and moved into a small town. Same school district just up the road. It was important for me to keep the kids in their same schools.

Although we gave them every opportunity we were also strict. I guess I was a bit more of a pushover than my husband but the kids were expected to follow the rules (and there were plenty). They had chores and were expected to take pride in their work and do it right the first time. We focussed on setting positive values for our children and tried to instill the importance of family and a strong sence of who they were.
I think you get the idea and I wanted to share that in the beginning as I think its an important part to my whole blog.

You see I did daycare for nearly 10 years at home and our family has been a foster family for several years. We've helped many kids and many families along the way. I always felt bad for the teens who were pregnant. I blamed in on bad parenting or a lack there of. Our own children were never allowed to date until they were 16. I never did have to worry about my boys as they were so involved with friends and work they just didn't seem to be interested.

After all our best efforts, all our years of talking to our kids about waiting and birth control and ruining their lives............ our world screethed when we found out our 16 year old daughter was pregnant! My first responce was more supportive than that of my husbands. We sat down and I stupidly said you've only been allowed to date 3 months. How did this happen??? Wow! That was a dumb question. We talked about her feelings, the babys dads feeling, their future. Basically what are your plans? Do you know all your options? She made a decission to keep the baby. She continued school, had a great pregnancy and had the baby just as her senior year was starting. I really gave her credit she went from all about her to all about that baby girl. She found out quickly that when your a teenager and pregnant you loose most of your friends. Despite it all she graduated early her senior year even with her part time job and being a mom.

At 18 she and the babys father came to us. Yes, they are still together. They asked us to adopt. They just weren't ready to be parents. We talked alot about it. Again, did they know what they'd be giving up? We accepted and asked them to come back in a few months if they still felt the same way. They had and did. We eventually and happily adopted our first grandchild.

Even though she had always lived with us it sure was different once my daughter moved out on her own and we were the ones waking up at night, we needed a daycare, moved her room closer to ours, etc. But it didn't take long and we were back in the swing of things. We tried to keep things as much as possible so not to interupt her little life for atleast a year. Her pediatrician suggested we let her figure things out and she would best adjust and she has. She now knows she has 2 mommys and 2 daddys and she's a very happy little girl. She has a great big family with lots of people who love her. We are very close to birth fathers family as well. It may seem odd to some but it works for us. Most of the time. Sometimes we feel taken advantage of or that they don't see us as her parents but all in all I think their getting used to all the changes too.

The kids sometimes say I was starting to get empty nest syndrom with the older kids getting ready to leave on their own. To be honest, I always dreaded the day the kids would all be gone. We are so honored to have this opportunity and the trust from both families to always do the best we can. She, as well as 3 more grandchildren that have since followed, keep us young. Life is meaningful and worth living everyday. Our daughter, now age 5 and in Kindergarten and I spend nearly every waking minute of the day together. We learn from each other. We do alot of things with family and we learn about traditions and old time family fun as well as all the new technolgy.

I hope you will follow us as we take our journey together and more stories on what were learning on the way.

4 comments:

Tracy

Wonderful story - thank you so much for sharing.
Stopping by from Bloggy Moms to follow - looking forward to your visit @ www.havingfunsaving.com

Kerry

Hey Thank you for reading my blog. This is Kerry from "These People I Live with" I want you to go back to my and pull up a post from May that says MS Walk

borrowedangeljr

This is just the beginning of your story to come. You have such a wonderful way of telling it as it is.

my abc soup

powerful story and brave of you to share in such a wonderful way.

xo
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